Trigger warning: Death.
I apologize for my English, I am not a native speaker.
We are in a relationship for over a year. She is everything for me. She means the world to me. Although we are so young, we imagined living our lives together. Before I asked her out, she successfully fought bone cancer once. Everything seemed fine but November last year, they found “something” in her lung at the hospital. It turned out to be cancer again. My world broke into pieces when I heard about it, but we both never lost the hope that everything will turn out alright. She received a chemotherapy that did not work. They changed the chemotherapy then and also added radiation therapy. The second therapy kinda worked, so we hoped that everything will be alright. But then suddenly her condition got worse. There was fluid around an in her lung, she had fever and always felt pain. It turned out her whole upper body was full of metastases. I got a message from her mom two days ago that she received morphium because she could not handle the pain otherwise. From there on, she slept most of the time and was even too weak to speak, when she had her short periods, where she was awake. I told her everything I wanted to tell her, but she could not answer me. She just smiled. She is trying to die since last night and is also sedated now.
This all just feels so painful. She never lost her enjoyment of life. She is wunderful. There was so much I wanted to do with her, so many experiences we wanted to make. so many things to see and so many seconds, hours and years to spend. I can’t do anything but crying and I don’t know how this feeling should go away. I have her paintings and pictures in my room and it is so painful to think that these paintings were the last she made. She was so talented. Not only in painting. I will never forget her. She was my first girlfriend, my first kiss, the first person that I loved so much, the first person I spend hours and hours with talking about life in the middle of the night. She will always have a special place in my heart and in the hearts of so many other people.
TL;DR: My girlfriend for over a year is currently in the final stage of her life. She fought against lung cancer for half a year, but she lost. She will only live for a few hours now and I don’t know how to deal with all my pain.
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