Hey, sorry this will be a long post. So, I have this friend I met almost 3 years ago. We bonded during covid, expecially the first months were great, as it always Is in relationships. I had some red flags that I recognize more now, like she would sometimes threaten to block me for expressing thoughts they didn’t agree with (like, about anime or TV series), or the fact that she had a lot of toxic stories and messed up friendships in her past that ended up eventually and left her a bit broken. But, well, everyone has shitty stories in their past that cause them traumas, it’s life, I have my own. Anyway, recently I started working. I have two part-time jobs since the country I live in is a very shitty for finding good job and be financially stable, expecially of you’re young. Because of this, I had less time for myself of course, and it’s been kinda rough getting used to then (but now it’s going better). I am also an introverted person, I need a lot of alone time to recharge. So messages with this friend have become less. We talk via telegram since we live in different cities, so it’s always been texting. We talk to eachother every day, like with 10-15 texts per time, so it takes me usually half an hour to respond to her every time, two-three times a day. Not gonna lie, I often felt overwhelmed for this but didn’t complain because I don’t like arguing and I wanted to make her happy. That’s also why we saw together a lot of series and movies she loved and recommended me; sometimes she watched things suggested by me, but it’s been a while, it was in the first months whe bonded. I did this because I love watching things, but again sometimes it’s been a pain in the ass, and I didn’t complain. Btw, now with my jobs I answer her usually after lunch, and in the evening, often before going to sleep as well. Yesterday she complained I’m being cold and distant, we almost never talk, and asked if I had some problems with her. This hit me like a truck: it’s true, we talked less than before, but it seemed to me we had more chemistry than in other moments of our friendship. I explained that I don’t have any problems and I’m sorry she’s feeling that way, that’s simply because of the jobs and that I care about her and love her despite of how much I text her, and I’m here for her. She responded that I’m not even doing the bare minimum, that she tried a lot to not complain and be a burden, but couldn’t take it anymore. She asked me about being pretty often online on social media but not texting her back. It’s true: in my alone time I often use social media, or I do it because I’m in a situation where I’m bored but don’t feel confortable enough writing answers, like I’m waiting for the bus. We had arguments like this before, and I always tried to explain myself and argue that I was doing what I could and her view of me was biased, but in the end agreed to do what she asked me. This lasted for some time, then I got back to, according to her, being distant and we argued again. She pointed this out yesterday, and I said it’s true: it’s a sign I couldn’t do what she was asking of me and made promises I couldn’t fulfill constantly, I wasn’t honest with myself or her. So this time I wanted to break that cicle and be honest, and said her I was alteady giving her what I could give. She said that “so this argument was pointless” and that “it’s still the bare minimum, to not expect of her more offers to make calls or do things together”, and I said it was fair, I never wanted to force her on anything Now she’s giving me the silent treatment. I want to point out that I don’t have this kind of problem with any of my other friends: we reach out when we can, even of weeks or months pass by; it’s not as close as it’s been when we were younger, but we know we still care and love eachother. She’s the person I talk with the most, more than with my family or other close friends. I think that at this age (we’re all 25) life gets in the way inevitably and friendships become less close than, let’s say, in highschool. It’s normal, and I’m kinda okay with it. When I started working she was worried we would grow distant, and I tried reassuring her saying these things, that I would always try my best to be there etc etc. Now she was saying that her fears had become true, that she knew it. I think that she’s overly pessimistic and this penalizes her, like a self-fulfilling prophecy. She doesn’t trust too much, probably cause of traumas, but man I always felt a bit… pained that she didn’t trust me enough on things, and always thinks the worst, like that suddenly I hate her. We’ve been friends for years, she also always says to me I have to be more selfish because I give too much to others… and now she complains I’m not doing anything for our friendship.
Sorry again for the long post, but at least it helped me putting down things. What do you think about the situation? Should I check on her, compromise?
TLDR: I started working, my friend, who is kinda anxious, complains I’m growing distant, but I think I’m doing what I can with these circumstances. What should I do?
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